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I’ve always been a bit of a curry fan – mmm…yumbo! Break out the pappadums!

Unfortunately, I’ve always had a bit of a weight problem too. Dang nabbit.

However, fear not fans of fire for I have a solution - because this ‘ere chicken curry recipe isn’t just gob-smackingly scrumptious – it’s damn low in calories and fat too! Perfect couch potato fodder for a Saturday night football game or test cricket on the telly. Or, um, an Andre Rieu concert if that’s..er..your thing (personally, I find Sarah Chang considerably more talented/ easier on the eye - but each to their own I guess)

Anyway, the secret, as they say, is in the saucing – instead of using twelve and a half pints of coconut cream, slosh in some low-fat condensed milk instead - It's the carnation coconut flavoured one with the pink accents on the can.

The only disadvantage to this ingredient, besides having only slightly more flavour than tap water, is a tiny amount of dreaded transfats – but for a big guy like me headed for his deathbed before age forty,, I think that’s a pretty fair trade.

In any case, I can create a wok-full of healthy thai-inspired food for under ten bucks, and under 3000 kilojoules!

So ere is Zee formulae Mon ami (haw haw zees haustralian's don no ow to coooook)

You will need:

A copy of Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior playing in the background
A nuclear chemistry-capable science lab or equivalent (a kitchen will do, however)
A wok, or perhaps even an upturned hubcap from a 1986 Toyota landcruiser if you’re really desperate
A reliable heat source, be it a stove top, Bunsen burner or one of those world-war-two style flamethrowers
The skill of twenty three genetically enhanced super ninjas (optional)

Ingredients:

A splash and dash of Courage!
A bag of mixed Stir-fry Vegies from Woolworths (500g)  - or chop your own!
A baseball-sized onion (extra points if you chop it up with a Hattori Hanzo sword)
Some of that spray on oil stuff (to insure maximum non-sticky-ness)
A can of light condensed milk, coconut flavour (you could use a drop of water instead if you wanted)
250 grams of Chicken Breast (please, no silicon)
Some curry (you can use curry paste, curry powder, chillies or battery acid if you’re a real bad ass)

Method:

- 1. Cut chicken into fine ribbons as quickly as possible, impressing your girlfriend/boyfriend with your incredible culinary skills
0. Apply bandaid/ bandage in the event of accidental blood loss.  
1. Tear a big clump of your own hair out to use as kindling and start a small fire.
2. Heat yo’ wok up till it’s smoking like James Brown’s pant legs
3.  Coat pan with oil (preferably not WD-40)
4. Throw your chicken in and brown off for a bit (please ensure your chicken is fully dead before attempting this step)
5. Add onion and sauté until translucent
6. Add your vegetables. Stir fry for around five minutes.
7. Add your curry paste. fry for about a minute or so.
8. Pour in half a can of liquid (not recomended: polish spirit)
9. Allow that to bubble , steam and reduce until everything is cooked to your liking
10. Ladle curry into big bowls and serve with an accompaniment of brown rice if desired

Serves three normal people, or one really greedy guy   

Bon Apatite!